How to get an autistic kid to socialize?

I’ll give you my answer now; support the child you know to be or presume to be autistic in socialising in a way they prefer. Read a bit more for an insight into my primary school experience and once you see past the fact I was a little shit I’m sure you’ll understand why I don’t think you should force the ‘weird’ kid to play with everyone else.

Part 1: In the classroom 

So this one isn’t really about playing but I’ll helps to further demonstrate how ‘unique’ I was around this time.

If I got a score on a spelling test that I didn’t want when everyone read out their scores to the teacher I would tell them what I wanted rather than that I had. I didn’t like getting 10 too many times in a row and 9 seemed like a one off mistake but 8 was a clear indication of ability so I’d say I got that, the person who marked my test would usually rat me out and so would begin my argument that if I have 10 then I get to choose my score because I got them all right, unsurprisingly the teacher didn’t agree but I refused to back down so after 5 minute long discussion which at that age felt like forever, I would be sentenced to detention.

Part 2: In the playground

You know when you’re playing peek-a-boo with a baby then you scare it a little too much and it starts crying. That’s what playtime felt like for me, at least once a week I’d make someone cry – bare in mind I wasn’t a bully I just didn’t get it! Daisy had these faires that lived in this one tree that looked different to all the rest in the playground. First of all there were no faires, second of all, if there were why could only Daisy see them? Imagination isn’t something I’ve ever had evidently because I remember  regularly trying to see these fairies or at least convincingly pretend that I could and it just wasn’t happening. 

I realise there were no tears in that tale so here’s another, no one likes to be spoken over but apparently I also didn’t like it when people didn’t listen during my turn of a game so one day at lunch we were playing ‘What’s the time Mr Wolf’ and Lizzie and Alice we’re listening so I banged their heads together… literally (this is the peek-a-boo moment) they cried a lot, I didn’t realise my own force and then the wails got louder so I ran away and hid but not just on the other side of the playground or behind the portakabin full of sports equipment, with nothing to lose I’d break another rule and go inside. I’ve always been tall for my age but also a lanky fucker and with money on my head because of the blood pouring from theirs I looked for the most obscure place I could find, if contorition was required that was a bonus as my skills were underestimated. 

Part 3: On my way home (kind of)

On days where playing was overwhelming I’d want to go home and after numerous trial runs I came close to perfecting how to run away from school, well I never ran I always walked with a purpose straight past all the staff and through the front gates, it drew less attention. Having tested the route a couple of times I realised the key to success was confidence, if you were stopped and asked any question by staff or fellow students answering them honestly was the best way to get out, no one stops a kid who’s convinced they’re going home as everyone expects a parent to be waiting at the next barrier to exit except at my primary school there were very few barriers, in fact there were no physical ones and my multiple escapes should have been indication something needed to change. Anyway, Id get out the gate and the furthest I ever got was to the end of the road, done over my my own inability to cross quickly. 

I guess looking back from these stories and many others there are dozens of red flags in my behaviour that would indicate I wasn’t naughty or seeking to be deviant I was living in my own world. While I went to a pretty decent school it must be said they expected all children to be the same, having not started with an autism diagnosis it was never a possibility in their eyes however, I was referred to behavioural therapist and that just got messy because I was overly honest. Now I can laugh and joke about what happened but at the time I was so frustrated I used to go home from school and bang my head against the wall, again literally, because no one understood me. I always struggled to make friends but I was also content on my own. Being forced to join in with group activities made me sad because it highlighted how alone unlike everybody else I was. 

Summary

If there’s one thing I want you to get from reading is this its that if you see and pity a kid on their own being ‘weird’ ask them if you can join and let them explain how to play in their world, if they dont want you join it accept that you’ve been pied and leave them to have their own fun. In freshers we’re told peer pressure is bad and not to force people to drink as a form as socialising, so don’t be a dick and don’t force your idea of fun down the neck of a child who doesn’t want to and worse yet, don’t make them feel bad for not finding that fun!